Les Taupes

No it's not going to be a ramble about someone called Les. Di has been stomping round the lawn, swearing, and kicking hell out of the molehills. She occasionally growls. Di don't like Les Taupe. Sooooo! I've been looking for a solution to the problem. Dog poo does keep them away for a while, but, they're determined little buggers. I've got rather a soft spot for moles. It's all down to the Wind in the willows, which I read at age 9/10. I was an innocent little chap, and I'm afraid Mr molecreated certain sentiments in my immature soft centre, which have stuck. But a stamping Di is a terror to behold, preferably not a lot, and I determined to subdue the sentiment, and sort the buggers out. There is a cunning device which fires a plunger into the run, not necessarily killing old moldywarp, but holding him until he dies(lack of worms). A really hideous system requires, catching worms, cutting off the two points, front and back, coating said worms in a poison powder, and inserting these delicacies into the run. Worms can't run away, along comes Les and, shortly after complains of bellyache, and pops his clogs. I couldn't torture worms like that. I wrote a doggerel verse about worms one day; Wormy crawly longy tube, him eaty tubey make, Wormy hermy aphrodite, So sexy piecey cake. Someone like me can envy a worm. I ended up buying some small cartridges, which when releasd down the hole, give off a gas, which will send Les into a peaceful, deep, and permanent sleep. OH YES IT WILL!!!!!!